Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
