Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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