Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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