If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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