my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
