He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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