you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
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