We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
