I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
