he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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