Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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