I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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