I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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