WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
