I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
My penis needs a shock collar
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
