peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Randomize
