thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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