dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
