I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
