dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
