I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
