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I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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