my phone cant type all the emotion im having
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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