Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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