..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I touched a dick in church today
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
