I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Come share oat with me in your robe
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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