Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
