i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
