Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
