Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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