in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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