you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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