My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
