I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
