i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
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