Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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