he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
