member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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