Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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