Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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