Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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