She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
