happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
