I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
