I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
