At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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