White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
