Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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