thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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