Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
