people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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