I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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